Lately I've been thinking about death. Mostly about death. I was thinking about work and boys and other stuff too but death is approximately 80% inside my head. Sometimes I wonder if there is anyone out there who might know what is life after death feel like.
I am raised as a Christian. So since I was a kid I've been told that when I die, I will go to either hell or heaven. Judging the life I am living now, I am not so sure about heaven. The logic about Christianity that I've been taught is as long as I believe in Jesus Christ as God, I will go to heaven. But what if I make mistakes along the way? Actually, it's not a what if. As a human being, of course I will make mistakes. I already did. Humans are sinners. No matter how many times we tried to be good, we will never be as good as God.
So, enough about religion. Let's go back to death.
What scares me the most is hell. But what scares me the second most is the imagination of me inside a crate. Have you guys watched 'Buried'? Yeah, the movie which starring by Ryan Reynolds. Now THAT is one scary movie. Well, I know when I die it's only the body that going to stay in the crate. I know that my soul is going to wondering around. Still, the feeling of being held in a small space with no oxygen is scared me.
Then, I thought about being cremated. It's the easiest way and cheapest way. I could ask my mom or sister or whoever left in my family to spread my ashes on the sea. Always love the sea. But fire? Hell no. Yes, I realize I'm not gonna feel the pain when I die. But I watched William being cremated and it looks... hot. Not sexy hot but warm hot.
Up until now I still haven't decided yet. Too many options. Whenever death comes into my head, I tried to swipe it away by thinking about sea, or city lights. I have to admit I am scared of death. Maybe because I am not a good person, and thinking about going to hell is not helping.