Monday, November 3, 2014

There Go The Sad Songs On My Playlist

Hi, Readers. Been a while. I've been wanting to write, but since I am working now, I always have a limited time. Until today.
Well, I still am working, I am working now actually. But I wanted tosteal few times.

As you all know, everytime I wrote something it was always about love and depression.
This time is no different. I met someone.
Someone who has this capability to turn my whole life upside down in less than 2 weeks.

His initial is R.

So we met at the office, he only worked here for a month or so. Then he decided to resign.
I tried to convince him not to, but it didn't work. So I lost him.

Let's go back to the beginning...

I first talked to him on October 5th at a gathering.
He laughed at my jokes, I mean, people did too. So at first I didn't think he was that special..
Our next meeting outside the office was at another gathering on October 11th or 12th. I forgot.
But he was busy taking notes and everything, and I was busy talking to the guests.
Then, he drove me to the office to drop some stuff. That was a kind gesture and the first time I was touched.
Didn't tell him because that would screw things up.

We talked few times on WhatsApp.
But sometimes it took a while for him to reply. I didn't bother to ask him why. Because at first, it didn't matter.
Until I realized, I waited for his replies and I didn't even know why.

Then when the gossip spread at the office that he was about to resign, my brain was like "you should go talk to him".

So I did and he told me everything on why he wanted to resign and stuff.
That was on October 22nd.

Since that day, we've been talking a lot.
He taught me Chinese and stuff. We found out things about each other that surprised us.
I knew he was surprised because he has this kind of expression where he couldn't hide things.
He surprised me a couple times. Not by what he said, but mostly because of his gestures and the way he thinks.
Somehow, for me it's... beautiful.

Remember when I said I couldn't date anyone?
Well, he shattered those walls. The ones I've built for 2 years.

You probably think, "Fie, it's not the first time you posted a post about a guy after you broke up with your last ex."

I know.

But he's the first person who successfully made me cry.
You know, that kind of crying that puts you to sleep. The kind of sadness that makes you cry with no sound. That makes you running out of breath.
Yeah, after 2 years, I finally felt that kind of sadness again.

I told him I like him. Right before we go our own way, he asked me about religion and stuff.
(FYI, he's Chinese and a Moslem. Yet after 11 years I finally fell for a Chinese guy all over again)
I said I'm OK if my boyfriend has different religion. I have two ex-es who have different belief.
He asked about my mom what would my mom say ifI have a boyfriend with another religion.
But here's the thing, my mom never wanted me to have a boyfriend. So it doesn't really matter.

I think I like him.
I like him more than I like him.

OK. I think I love him.
But is it possible to fall in love with someone you've only known for less than a month?
Or is it just another crush?
I don't know yet. Time will tell.

PS: I told him about this blog, so one day he will probably read this.
This is my message for him in case he's reading this:
"R, you know you're amazing in your own way. Never change. Remember the girl you told me you like? Remember how I told you she's a very lucky girl? I meant it. She is a very lucky girl. So lucky that I wish I was her. I'm sorry I didn't tell you this earlier, but late is better than never, so here it is: I like you. I like you more than I supposed to be. I like you more than I like you. You made me happy. I think I love you but I still need more time to figure it out. Thank you for brought up the best in me. Don't ever change."

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