HEY YOU!

Play this before you continue reading.

Time goes by so fast.
It's amazing what time can do, isn't it?
I used to be so hopeless and melancholy until then you stopped by and brought me bliss.
I am happier. You know it's true and I can't defy it.
But I have problems with speaking. That's why I prefer to write.
You know my story so you know it's simpler for me.

I can't tell many things when we were chatting.
I don't want to be too confident even though sometimes you gave me huge expectation about what we would be in the next years.
Friendship is what we have now and I wish hope it'll never come to an end. You're the best one so far. I love you. I do.
Still, I don't want to be with you. I don't deserve you.
Look at me. How bad I am. How mess my world is. How untidy I am.
I always feel like asking you this question: Do you really want to be with me?
I know you will say "yes" as a friend. But what if it's about something else?
Something that you know will never change between me and you?

Yes it will not change. Ever.
I might be with someone else at this moment but I can't get you off of my mind. Don't ask me why because I don't know.
After you read this, please, don't stop being my friend and partner in crime.
Just because I still have that old feeling, doesn't mean I can't be professional enough when I am with you.

I was planning to keep this feeling forever, actually. Because, I don't want our friendship to be over.
It's precious, you know.
So, I will always be your best friend. I will always be your partner in crime.
I will always be the person you can always call at 2 or 3 am in the morning.
I will always be your listener.

Yeah.
I think that's all I want to tell you.
Whoa, it's been forever since I wrote long stupid things like this.
But trust me, I can't speak it all to you.
Thanks for being the best one.
And please do not change just because this stupid post.

I'll see you soon, then.

:-)/\:-)

first podcast & valentine's day gallery :)

Nanda, Me, and Ibienu

Nanda, Ibienu, and Me

Nanda and Me

Nanda and Ibienu
they tried to make me smoke a cigarette -.-"

Me and Ibienu

~

well, my blower didn't make a lot of noise after I convert an .amr file to .mp3. :)

valentine

happy valentine's day readers. :)
thank you for being a great friend.
oh, I want to tell you something.
if this time, today, you really love someone and you didn't they know about how your feelings, tell them.
oh and one thing, don't ever think about how they feel about you.
if they don't love you, fuck it. at least you say it to them.
you didn't tell it because you want them to be with you. you tell it, because they need to know about your feelings.
you're not a loser, right? ;)

and me?
well, I already have a black-retard man. he's awesome. but a lot of people told me they like me though. I don't mind, because you can't tell people to stop loving you. ;)

I want to say happy valentine to these people:

>>my sister.
happy valentine, my lovely sister. thanks for being special. thanks for never judge me. thanks for everything we have together.
I love you.

>>my mom.
I know you're not gonna read this mom, but thank you. for your patience and for your time. for everything. for bring me to life. and for you call yesterday. :) I am glad you allow me to have another partner.

>>my best friends: anna, anky, zeresy.
pake bahasa Indonesia aja yah? :p
makasih ya teman-temanku sayang.
kalian orang-orang yang bisa bikin gw ketawa di saat-saat darurat. yang paling ngerti gue. tau gue.
dan kalian, orang-orang yang kesabarannya tingkat dewa kalo udah ngadepin emosinya gue. makasih sekali lagi. :*

>>my classmates
KA02 Gunadarma '08. :)
thank you guys. kalian kan visitor yang paling bikin rame di sini. ini blog ga bakal ada lanjutannya kalo ga ada kalian.
semester ini, praktikum reguler doang. jadi, kayaknya kalian bakal terus membaca blog ini. :)) love you all

>>cfho
the first man in my life who I spend my special moments with.
start from christmas, my birthday, new year, until now - valentine.
those are some reasons that make him special.
I don't love him. I fucking love him.

hey cfho, I know you'll read this. so, I want to say thank you (again)
for everything.
I don't need to mention them all because I have like a lot of unforgettable moments with you.
so, thank you. especially for every nick name you've given to me.
ewiad.jasf;lasdf askf'dfk'af pf'ak;f'a/sdfm ka'sdfk;hsdfalkdm lfdsplfkpskmv. okay?
you get it, right? okay great.
I love you.

>>you
whoever you are, when you read this, I want to say: I love you.
thank you for reading this blog with a lot of crap posts inside.
I don't know what makes you visit this blog.
if this is your first time, welcome and hope you enjoy this.
aaaaand for you who visit this blog more often than me posting something, thank you.
you keep up my stats.
ps: if you want to say something, I'll be here tonight at 6 pm (GMT +07:00)
once again, I love you. :*

everyone needs friends

hmhmhm. :)
the last 2 days is not too bad.
sorry I just have time to post something here.
whassup readers?
miss me? :p

~

okay, so yesterday, 12th of january, is the first day of final terms.
I think mine is not so good, because I hadn't learn anything. -.-"
well, I can answer 15 questions of 40 questions. -.-"
bad.

~

still on the same day, me, ana, sezy, and ankhey *she's new in the gang. :))=))
we went hang out. :D
look for food, look for stuff and many other.
we - me, ana, and zesy - feel bad about her has no friend in her class right now.
I said "you're not in human class. it's devil's."
why? because her friends act like she is not their friend. I mean, she is not the member of that f#cking class.
I don't like that fact.
my KA02 is way better than that. I mean, she's even there! me myself, when I was on my holiday, I still got texts from my class-leader about everything they go through in Depok. so, that's a mistake when she's in Depok and her friends never tell her anything. shit. that's sucks.
so we decided that she needs to be with us. and here we go. there's 4 of us naw. :x

ankhey, zesy, me, ana

~

and today, we're taking care of our problems.
first, we pay our school payments. :D
then, we're take ankhey to fix her problem with her class. she wants to move to my class. :)
and she's very welcome.
buuuuuuuuuuut, they didn't allow her to move. :(
we're sad.
but we said, she can takes our lessons if she wants. so she will be in our class even though in the end, she's still a member of her old crap-class. >:)

~

oh oh. we bought 4 bracelets. 2 blacks and 2 silvers. :)
ankhey and ana wear the blacks. me and zesy wear the silvers. show you the picture later.

~

EATING become our VERY BAD HABIT since we've been together. lmao.
when we hang out, we spend a lot of money for food. :9
I love food though.
but I still need to diet. -.-"

~

09:02
honestly, I miss my boyfriend right now. I wonder if he ever thinks about me for a day.
I want him to be here. just to talk with me.
but I understand that he's tired because if his work and he still sleep now.
I hope he wakes up before I go to sleep.

two days before the day. I love you readers. :)

last day

no, readers. I am not about to die. lol. I will go home tomorrow so I have to stay to a closer place to airport. ~ before I go, I want to say Merry Christmas & Happy New Year to y'all readers. have a wonderful Christmas this year. and I'm gonna miss you so much. ~ I got some gifts from my best friends ana & zesy. thank you guys. I'll open it exactly on Christmas and on my birthday. :') ~ I will miss this town though. I live here for half a year. so, this is my home now. :') I miss my man already. save the world, honey. tell jarvis I am gonna miss him too. :') ~ 10:55 readers, I have to go. I'll post some stuff if I have time and internet connection at my hometown. I love you.

don't think I don't think about it

it's 3:20 am and I can't sleep at all.
yeah I used to be like this. but this one is different. I am afraid of nightmare. very bad nightmare.
I can't even close my eyes even just for a while.

~

what are you use readers? tell me what makes you can sleep earlier. I try every possible way to not be a vampire anymore. but it didn't work.
I read books, listen to a music, do stuff like that but I can't be normal.
well, I'm scared by this heart problem. now I got another headache problem.
phew. but I just can't change my time area.

~

beside that, I keep thinking about my problem. it getting worse because I have no midterms anymore so I can't turn my attention of off him.
I want to pretend like nothing happen between us. but then, it will makes him think that I don't even have regret.
I want to say "I am sorry" every single time. but in the end, he will think that I'm doing too much.
I don't have any idea what am I supposed to do now. if I didn't say something to him, will I look like a retarded?
or maybe all he needs is space?
blank.

~

I don't want to give up on him. I keep thinking like, "oh fie, you don't deserve anyone." or "maybe he's right by treating me like this" or "why am I so stupid? I should have believe him".
but it won't change everything. he was right. I took our happiness for granted. now I don't know what am I supposed to do.
guilty? HELL YEAH. he trust me and I don't trust him? at that moment I don't trust him? what the hell is wrong with me?
sometimes I wish he'll make a surprise by talk to me in pingbox again and pretend like he don't know me. and blah blah blah.
but it's impossible now. my site, this site, is probably the last site that he'll visit.
gosh I miss him.

~

am I supposed to let him go? he doesn't like me anymore. I think he hates me right now.
people say "hope make you strong", now when I was hope he'll be my last, yes, it makes me stronger. now, when I hope he'll give me another chance, I lost my strength.
I don't even know how to fix this.
I asked my bestfriend, best of the best friend, and she says

"that what makes your relationship grow, fie. face it. don't just give up. fix it. try every way you can. in the end, if he won't give you a chance, he's not yours. and he will never be. you do change, fie. he just doesn't know you as long as me. keep trying. you can do it"

she knows me for about 3 years. she is the one who knows every little secret of me. she knows my family, my life, how mess is my room, and so much else. and when she said that sentence, I know she was right. I have to try, but if he's not mine, he never meant to be.

~

yep. I should give him a space. I'll manage my homecoming I think. is 10 days enough for him? or is it takes months? years (again)?
no one knows.

~

3:47
well, I'm listening to JLo ft. Fat Joe - Hold You Down right now.
this song is great in case I am in the lowest right now.
readers, it's time to bed. :D
I won't let myself talking shit anymore.
so, have a nice sleep everywhere you are, guys.
have a nice dream (now I really mean it when I say this)
aaaaaaaaaaaanddddd.... I love you.

free! :D

finally! midterms finish today. :)
I get back my life again. hoho.
hey readers, good day.
how's life?

~

I just finished my midterms today. well, it's not too bad. I think I can do that one.
I'm not free yet, actually. still have 2 days work. wish me luck.

~

my sister will come tonight. so, I won't spend so much time in front of vessel.
:P
vessel is the new name of my computer. why vessel? first, it sounds like my name. and second, vessel is a detector in my favorite game. :)
vessel vessel vessel.. :)

~

well, this time, I want to say thanks for visitor of my pingbox. which finally reach 100th visitors today. the last one ID-ed K5. :)
sorry, for not replying your chat K5, I was sleep. :D
99th visitors is Richard. thank you sir. sometimes talk to someone I don't know is not bad.

~

thank you for all of you who is reading this right now.
well, another crap, huh?
:p
I still try to fix my relationship. but now, I don't think I can make it. :)
it's okay readers. maybe I will never deserve someone from this planet.

~

12:12
well, I wanna watch some movies.
as always, love you readers. :)

★ thank you, readers! ★

long time no see readers. what? about one week? yeah. I am busy taking care of midterms.
any news? well I don't have too much news. lets start from the oldest news since my last post.

~

well, my boy is alright. he still alive and getting crazier.
at least, I am glad he crazy. because maybe, if he's normal, he won't like me. :))=))

~

this week is the easiest week. why? because there are only 2 subjects of midterms. and they're easy as hell.
I hope I didn't gave a cross at the wrong answer.
damn. I always in a hurry. :))=))

~

okay. enough talking shit. :p
according to the title of this post, I will say thank you so much for all of you.
all of you. whoever you are.
thanks for keep reading this crap even though sometimes I make mistakes with my english post.
I'll try to keep posting in english but I will need my Indonesian too when I post some task.

why thanks? this afternoon, I saw my blog's stats. and it's amazing. I got 12000 pageviews.
waow.
that's such a big number.
I will post the screenshoot below.

this is the overview.
all time is 12.000 and I hope it'll keep going up. because it proves something to me.
:)


this is the top 10 post views.
all of them is Indonesian post.
and most of them are my school work. :)
well, this also mean something to me.
at least, my posts aren't that meaningless. :)

well, this is the sites where you find this blog.
google have it.
:)


I know it!
Indonesia must be the place where most of my reader live.
:)
so it stills on the top rank.
10000
waow.
and what makes me glad, is I see that rockmelt browser is on the 4th rank of browser.
:)
well, I still have 2 invitation. if you want it. tell me.

~

readers, I know thousands, millions, or billions thank you won't enough to say my respects to you.
if I know your name, maybe I can post it here.
well thanks for visitor who leaves a spot on my pingbox.
who leaves a comment.
who reads this crap.
my classmate, my boyfriend, my facebook friends, my twitter follower, everyone.
thank you.

~

08:05
I have to go now.
again, thank you.
and as always, I love you all. :)

f.r.i.e.n.d.s

hey readers. boring huh?
:D/
miss you a lot.

where am I supposed to start?

hmm

gue lagi addict sama lagunya Nelly yang Just A Dream.. :)
entah kenapa ini lagu bikin gue nangis.
belom lagi liriknya, video clip-nya.
touchy abis..
kok bisa ya orang-orang kayak Nelly, Akon, dll bikin lagu yang bisa bikin cewek sampe mewek?

-

next story come from me and my friend. :)
he's a guy. nice guy actually. :)
he told me his love story in case, he thought I could helped him.
:)

kemaren, kita brantem.
masalah sepele. dia ngga mau gw comblangin sama si X.
:-<
actually, that's not the problem.

Z (10/10/2010 18:02:33): :)
me (10/10/2010 18:02:43): jangan senyum2 lo sm gw
Z (10/10/2010 18:03:08): weh galak amat ;))
me (10/10/2010 18:04:18): gw baek jg slh kan? :p
Z (10/10/2010 18:04:37): oh gtu..
Z (10/10/2010 18:04:41): ga jd ngkut gw...
Z (10/10/2010 18:04:42): thx...

that's the main problem between me and him.

padahal gue juga ngomongnya bercanda readers.
sama sekali ga ada keinginan buat nyinggung/nyindir dia.
cuma apa boleh buat, kemaren dia terlanjur marah..

at least, tadi kita udah baikkan. :)
yah gw seneng temen gw balik lagi. :)
seengganya ada temen buat diajak becandaan lg ;))

-

next, come from someone. :p
wkwkwkw.
:))=))
gw udah cerita belom sih?
gw nembak ini orang kemaren..
trus ditolak dengan 1 alasan: "... karena gw masih milik bersama :p"

nah, kemaren gw confirm lg ke dia apa maksud jawabannya.
and...
it's clear. :))=))
I give up. :D

-

hmm, apalagi yah?
oia, hari ini ade gw tersayang ulang tahun ke 17..
happy birthday, sist..
:)
may God bless you and be with you in every second of your life. love. kiss.

hadiah buat dia udah gw siapin dari tanggal 25 september kemaren. :))=))
jadi ga usah khawatir kalo ultah ke 17 lo bakal tanpa hadiah, sist. :)

-

hmm..
apalagi ya?
di YM suka ada yg nanya: "next target siapa, fie?"

untuk sekarang, belom ada target-targetan.
suka ya suka aja. gue belom sampe nyatain lagi.
meskipun kadang, males juga rasanya nunggu.
I'm not such of a patience person. :p

-

kemaren ada karokean ber-6 sama anak-anak regional depok.
me, kucingpitak, chipax, aloneat, faandiimas, dan doelsaja.
seru.
lucu.
menyenangkan. :)

at least they light up my life pas waktu itu lg brantem. :))=))

-

4.20 am
good morning readers. have a great day today. :-*
kisses and hugs.
justlikefie. :)

Wake Up! It's October! :)

hei readers.. :)
miss you so much you know?
there's a lot of stories I want to tell you.
it's almost a month since my last post.

-

hmm...
mulai darimana yah???

-

okay. first of all, gue mau cerita soal hp gue ilang. hiks hiks. :'(
ilangnya kemaren readers. di detos.
gue lupa gimana kronologisnya.
tapi tiba-tiba, pas gue mau nyari si merah, udah ngga ada :((

sedih banget rasanya.
bukan karena handphonenya.
tapi karena isinya.
kan di situ ada foto-foto gue sama kunyuk. :((
ada contact list orang-orang yang cuma sekali seumur hidup gue temuin
ada video-video unforgettable moment..
ada SMS-SMS yang cuma dikirim sekali seumur hidup
waaaaaaaaaaaaaaa :((
sedih banget kayaknya..
cuma gpplah..
gue udah ikhlas kok. :)

-

oia, readers, ini cerita ngga bakal berurutan yah. abis gue bingung yang mana duluan. --"

-

sampe situlah gue ngetik postingan ini dan gue tinggalin. :))=))
jadi aturan, ini post gue post dari kemaren, sayangnya gue ngga punya waktu buat ngelanjutin ngetik..

-

lanjut.
wkwkwkw..
hmm.. apalagi yah cerita yang ngga sempet gue post?

-

oia, gue dapet temen baru. :))=))
ga baru baru amat sih. cuma emang temenan beneran temenan tuh baru belakangan ini. :))=))
his name is yoga. :p

wkwkwkw..
deketnya gara-gara kaskus lagi! :))=))
jadi die sempet H2H sama gue. ;))
isi H2Hnya, gue keep aja yah. kasian ybs kalo sampe gue sebar. :))=))
lagian bisa ngamuk-ngamuk itu bocah. :))=))

nah dari situ, dia sempet bilang ke gue: "gw kan kalo lagi bosen suka jalan sendirian tante fie" <-- gue dipanggil tante. --"
daaaaaaaaaan, sejak itu, kalo gue pengen jalan, gue ajak aja nih bocah. :))=))
daaaaaaaan lagiiiiiii, sejak sering jalan, gue jadi dapet temen baru :mahos. :))=))

wkwkwkwk..
jangan dipikir dia bocah beneran lho readers --"
umurnya beda 8 tahun di atas gue. :))=))
tapi tetep aja gue yang bawel. :))=))

diskusi sama dia enak.
mulai dari soal masak, soal komputer, soal makanan, lengkap dah. :))=))
charger lapie gue? siapa lagi yang ngebantuin dapetin kalo bukan dia :x
kalo kata gue ke dia: "lo emang the best, ga". :))=))

hmm..
apalagi ya? kayaknya segitu aja deh soal yoga. emang ngga ada lagi soalnya. :))=))
idupnya datar soalnya :))=))
:p
:Peace:

-

okay.. praktikum is back! B-)
it means, blog ini akan mulai dipenuhi dengan berbagai postingan dengan tema "komputer"
:))=))
jadi, kalo readers berencana membaca postingan-potingan curhat gw ;)), maka dengan berat hati, di tengah-tengahnya bakal gue selipin postingan-postingan tugas. ;))
maklumlah, saya senang membagi ilmu. :mahos

-

what else?
oia, I'm in love with JAVA :x:x:x
sumpah ya ini program amazzing banget. :)
eits. gue ga saltik lho. maksud gue emang bener amazzing :))=))
thanks juga buat pak donny erlangga yang bikin ini program jadi jauh lebih mudah dengan penjelasan secara langsungnya..
meskipun awalnya gue sempet mikir, ini akan menjadi sama dengan C++ :D

at least, I love the ending. :p
bener-bener cinta deh sama java. :p
cinta kedua gue setelah pascal lah ini. :)

-

19.32
besok ada praktikum pagi. :(
capek sebenernya, readers. tapi harus dijalani dengan semangat. :)
ya kan? ;;)

at least, welcome october!
have a greath month everyone!
love you.
kiss.

I am blessed. ;)

yippie. :)
happy Sunday anyone!
beautiful Sunday isn't it? :p

hahahah.
okeoke.seperti biasa, tiap hari minggu umat nasrani ke gereja semua. :) tak terkecuali gue. :)hari ini gereja kembali bareng sama ade gue. ^^khotbah hari ini ngajarin gue buat tetep tinggal dalem Dia. :) nice one Pasteur John. :)

oia, berhubung pembacaan alkitabnya bilang: "jikalau kamu tinggal di dalam AKU dan firmanKU di dalam kamu, mintalah apa saja yang kamu kehendaki", maka tadi gue minta banyak banget sama Tuhan. :psemua ada di pokok doa gue. :)setelah kemarin sempet ngedrop dan bikin gue ngerasa bersalah sama diri sendiri dan sama Tuhan, tadi gue minta maaf abis-abisan. sampe berkali-kali bisikin kata-kata "I don't deserve You."tapi gue inget lagi khotbah 2 minggu lalu yang bilang: "Tuhan kita adalah Tuhan yang amnesia. dia lupa sama semua kesalahan kita saat kita minta maaf" dan gue aminin itu. :)

gue harap semua doa gue dijawab dan dikabulkan sama Tuhan. *amin!

*****
pulang gereja, gue sama adek gue udah kesorean. :))kita naek kereta ekonomi karena ekonomi ac datengnya jam 15.45
dan ternyata, ekonomi landingnya juga 15.30 :))=))beda tipis yah?
tapi gpp lah..
ga penuh ini. :D

next, gue sama adek gue ke detos. emang udah planning buat beli handphone baru buat gue. :))
bayangin aja readers, kapan sih gue ngepost pengen beli handphone? dan baru kebeli sekarang :))=))
pilihan gue jatuh ke Sony Ericsson Elm Greenheart. :)
kenapa? karena kameranya wonderful. :Dmengingat gue belakangan ini lagi addict sama bikin cover, maka gue memutuskan memilih yang satu ini. :)
daaaaaannnnn... guess what?
gue dapet warna PINK!
:))=))warna yang paling gue benci malah gue dapet. :))=))
yaudah lah. sekalian belajar jadi wanita :">

this is my new mobile phone. :)
cute huh? :p

keren kan yah? :))=))
maap rada maksa. :">
*****
kemaren malem, gue buka puasa sama temen-temen gunadarma 2KA02 2009. :)
ga rame sih.
dari 50 orang cuma 10an kali yang dateng..
cukup lumayan untuk ngelepas kangen setelah 2 bulan ga ketemu.
ada yang kurusan, ada yang gemukan..
tapi kebanyakan pada kurus karena bulan puasa. :))=))
gue sendiri dibilang kurusan. :))=))
ya iyalah. turunnya 7 kg kok ga kurus? :))=))
kemaren sempet turun 12kg readers. :)
angka gue nyampe 68 :">
cuma bablas makan lagi :))=))

ini semua yang hadir termasuk gw yang moto B-)

nah, abis dari situ, gue ke margo. sama anak-anak. berlima. niatnya sih mau ngeliat tato buat temen gue yang namanya abe. sekalian ketemu sama temen gue juga yang namanya yoshi. :)

giliran dah nyampe lantai 4, ternyata si yoshi ada di The Old House depan margo. --"
jadilah kita turun lagi dan ke The Old House..
cuma ngeliatin doang sih dari atas. abisnya rame juga, jadi males mau turun ke bawah.. :D

di situ, temen gue yang namanya Rahma izin pamit karena dah dijemput sama sodaranya. :)

kiri ke kanan: rahma, arief, rafly, abe :)

jadi, gue, Arief, Abe, Rafly, balik lagi ke margo buat bikin tato "muay thai" nya Abe. :))=))

kocak kocak. gue sama Arief sempet curhat-curhatan. tapi isi curhatnya gue rahasiain. :p kasian dia dan kasian gue. :))=))

pulang dari tato mentato, Abe dah kayak maho. ;p tangannya sangat dijaga dari sentuhan benda2 asing. :))=))
dah gitu, kita mampir ke The Old House lagi. kali ini buat turun ke bawah, nemuin Yoshi karena dah dipesenin tempat.
ckckck..
rame bener dah. :))=))
mana sempet disuruh nyanyi lagu Keith Martin yang Because Of You lagi. :))=))

at least, that's a wonderful night.

OH YEAH. dan gue ga bakal lupa semalem Arief pura-pura ngejambret gue. itu asli GUE KAGET. sampe ga bisa ngomong. --"

*****

20.13
besok ada planning ke Ancol sama anak2 kaskus regional manado.
mudah-mudahan dennis bisa ikut biar gue ga sendiri [-O<
lagian kangen gue sama tu anak. :))=))

yauds yah readers. :)
ga ada cerita cinta di postingan gue kali ini. :)
anyway, have a great night. :)

I love you. but not in love with you.

pagi readers. nyampah lagi ya?
cerah banget di luar. matahari kayaknya lagi bersahabat sama bumi.
anyway, apa kabar?
setelah kemaren sempet ngepost postingan paling ga penting sejagad, here I am. :)

mulai darimana yah mo cerita???oke. ehm..
abis gue ngepost 2 postingan sebelum ini, gue dikejutkan dengan kabar luar biasa: temen gue mo nikah.
wedew. gue sih turut seneng. sempet kaget pas pertama kali dia ngomong begitu. gue bilang "JANGAN BECANDA" dengan huruf di caps lock semua. :))=))
dan readers, he's not kidding.
karena gue sama dia udah deket, bokapnya sama bokap gue temenan, anaknya juga kocak banget. maka, gue to the point nanyanya: "jangan bilang lo nikah karena cewek lo hamil".
abis gue chat begini, dia langsung diem. dan gue juga ga bisa ngetik lagi saking kagetnya. :|

mungkin kayak gini pembicaraan gue sama temen gue itu.
gue: "jangan bilang lo nikah karena cewek lo hamil"dia: (diem dulu)"yah emang faktanya begitu"
gue: "hah?! haduuuh. kok bisa? makanya belajar tahan nafsu"
dia: "ahahahaha. kata orang enak sih makanya gue nyobain"
gue: ...
dia: "itu cuma perkara terlambat dikeluarin"
gue: "-_____- jangan bilan lo pernah nyoba ngegugurin"
dia: "pernah. sampe sakit perut cewek gue."
gue: "udah! jangan nyoba lagi. nanti anak lo cacat"
dia: "gue ga siap, fie.. :( bentar lagi gue ayah"
gue: "lo harus siap. lo pasti bisa. gue percaya sama lo. bokap ngomong apa?"
dia: "gue belom ngasih tau."gue: "hah???!, kasih tau sekarang! gimana lo mo tanggung jawab kalo begitu?!"
dia: "iya iya. gue takut."
gue: "lo cowok, lo harus bisa bertanggung jawab"

dan begitulah, dia off. mungkin mo langsung ngasih tau orang tuanya.
abis dari chatting-chattingan, dia sempet nelpon. cerita. gue sedih aja readers. ga nyangka sama sekali kalo bisa kayak begitu.
gue pengen dia bertanggung jawab. ga keitung berapa kali dia bilang "gue takut" ke gue. terakhir gue tanya, dia baru ngadu ke nyokapnya. dan nyokapnya cuma ngomong: "berani berbuat, berani bertanggung jawab".
gue harap semuanya akan baik-baik aja. [-O<

*****

hey, my sister is here! ahahaha. dia kan dateng bareng oma gue yang udah setahunan lah ga ketemu. nah, pas oma gue ngeliat gue teriak dia: "haduuuuuhh. kamu cantik banget!" et dah. :))=)) akhirnya ada juga yg blg gue cantik ;)):">
maklum readers sejak terakhir oma itu ketemu gue sampe kemaren, gue dah turun 20kg. :">
wajarlah kalo reaksinya kayak gitu :)

*****

btw, gue pengen cerita soal si B. :p inget kan? dia ada di postingan yang judulnya cerita cerita
okay gini. banyak yang nanya, si B siapa, ngapain dia ke kosan, kenal di mana, blah blah blah. :p
ini ceritanya.
si B itu, awal kenalnya di FB. kembali karena kaskus. :))=))pertamanya, dia yang ngeadd gue. pas gue bongkar profilnya, ternyata di depok, makanya gue langsung tau ini anak pasti regional depok. :))=))
dia ngewall, trus gue bales di wall dia. abis itu komen komenan wall dan tukeran YM.
abis dari situ, gue sama dia lebih banyak ngobrol di YM.
chat archive-nya masih ada noh. :))=))
pas pertama kali ngeadd, mutual friend gue sama dia cuma 1. dan itu bukan anak kaskus.
tapi temen SMA gue di manado. gilaaaa. dunia beneran sempit. --"

lanjut lanjut. :D
ngobrol ngobrol di YM, ga tau apa dia ngerasa enak ngobrol sama gue, apa gimana, dan dia nembak gue.
waktu dia nembak via YM, gue iyain aja. karena satu, dia juga ga pernah ngeliat gue, sekalinya ngeliat, pasti males. kedua, gue nganggep dia bercanda. :)
abis itu, gue bilang "yaudah, ayo ganti status". tau apa jawabannya? "tar aja kalo dah nembak kamu di depan kamu".
gue ga kaget. :))=)) cuma langsung gue pakein emot rofl di YM. =))
abis yakin banget sih masih mau nembak gue pas ketemu gue.

dan, satu malam, dia nemuin gue. di kosan.
ga lama sih, orang dia buru-buru gara-gara temennya masuk RS.
yang penting dia dah ngeliat gue.
trus, begitu gue ketemu di YM lagi sama dia, gue tanyain, "dah ilfil kan?". and he said no.
ckckckck.. gue heran deh. apa sih? kalo dibilang baek, gue begitu sama semua orang. --"
kalo ditotal2, itu orang cuma main 3x ke kosan.
yang paling terakhir, dia mo nembak cuma ga bisa ngomong. :))=))
gue bilang, "yaudah, kalo emang ga bisa ngomong ya ga usah. :) itu berarti aku juga ga bakal ngejawab. :)".dan dia pulang. :)

FYI, gue sebelumnya udah ngelarang dia naksir gue *apasih?*
tapi serius lho. gue bilang ke dia "lo ga boleh naksir gue. apapun yang terjadi lo ga boleh naksir gue", tapi dianya maksa. bahkan sampe ketemu masih aja.
gue sayang sama dia, tapi sebagai temen. lebih enak ketawa-ketawa sama dia. :)
hubungan dia sama gue ga rusak. tetep temenan. tetep YMan kalo dia kebetulan lagi ol.
kadang-kadang kalo gue lagi mo jalan kemana, dia gue ajak. cuma dianya ga pernah mau. :))=))
orang yang aneh. :D
*****

udah ketemu sama gitar gue? ahahahaha. kemaren bikin video cover lagi gue. kalo mau liat, silakan ke sini

this is my guitar. her name is flattery.

gue lupa kapan belinya nih gitar.
tapi belom ada 3 bulan.
belom ada 2 bulan malah kayaknya.
ga inget persis. --"
that's why gue lagi addict bikin cover. :))
next project kayaknya natalie imbruglia yang torn deh. :D
cuma liat nanti ajalah.

*****

apalagi yah? planning hari ini sih mo ngecek handphone lagi ke sony ericsson.
tadinya dah mau beli E seriesnya nokia. cuma, gue addict sama kameranya soner. :))
liat tar ajalah gue mo beli apa.

*****

09.57
ade gue dah menunjukkan tanda2 mau bangun. :D
gue sendiri belakangan ini ga bisa bangun siang lagi. -______-"
sesiang-siangnya gue bangun, paling jam 8 pagi. --"
ga bisa lebih siang lagi. semalem apapun gue tidur.
ini badan mulai ngamuk2.
anyway, gue cao dulu readers. :)
love you all. :-*

-fin-

malem readers. kangen nih gue. lama ga ngepost gara-gara ada begitu banyak masalah dan urusan.
okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay..
mulai dari mana nih gue?
oia, mau ngebahas si "kunyuk" yang kemaren gue post di 3 postingan sebelum ini.

okay. apa kabar si kunyuk? kabar baik. dia udah ngebales chat dan message gue.
rencananya mo nyamperin ke kosan karena mo minjem handphone gue.
yaudah kan, gue bilang "lo ke sini aja kalo mau. cuma gue belom yakin bisa minjemin ato ga".
and you know what? dia ngambek. asli waktu itu gue mo marah.
bukannya apa-apa, gue ga janji bisa minjemin karena itu handphone alm bokap gue.
kedua, dia nyari gue pas dia butuh doang. pas gue bilang gue ga bisa bantuin, dia pergi gitu aja.
*sighsebentar* come on. gue khawatir sama lo, gue pusing karena lo sahabat gue, lo tempat gue cerita, lo tempat gue ngeluh, dan pas gue butuh lo, lo ngga ada. giliran lo butuh gue, gue selalu usahain semuanya.
*sighlagi* sekarang, tuh orang ga nyari gue lagi. apa dia dah dapet kerjaan apa gimana, gue juga ga peduli. sebaek-baeknya gue sama orang, gue paling ga suka kalo orang nyariin gue pas dia butuh, dan pergi sesuka hati dia. so, tamatlah cerita gue sama si kunyuk. :))

next, berita dari cowok yang TADINYA gue taksir selama 7 tahun. :))
finally, dia mem-unblock saya. entah karena alasan apa, yang penting gue mo bilang: makasih. :)
selanjutnya, di inbox gue ada message. intinya, dia minta gue ga gangguin dia lagi.
tau ga sih, readers? sebelum malem itu, hari minggunya gue gereja. trus gue berdoa sama Tuhan.
"Tuhan, Tuhan tau apa yang terbaik buat aku. kalo emang dia bukan buat aku, tolong kasih tanda. kalo pun selama ini Tuhan dah ngasih tanda tapi aku ga bisa liat, aku minta kali ini kasih tanda lagi. Tuhan tau sendiri sesakit apa aku nungguin orang 7 tahun tanpa ada kejelasan."
see? gue anggep message itu adalah jawaban. so gue ga ngereply, gue ga nyoba nge-add dia lagi. :) cukuplah. makasih sama Tuhan juga dah mau dengerin dan mau ngejawab. tanpa tambahan sakit hati yang laen ;)
HE'S AMAZING.
dan cerita gue pun tamat lagi. :))

another story?
ga ada lagi sih :))
gue lagi ga deket sama siapa-siapa. lagi ga pengen dideketin sapa-sapa juga. :))
sendiri emang ternyata lebih baik.
gue sih masih berpegang teguh sama prinsip males nikah. entah kenapa. aneh banget yak gue?
anak-anak sampe negor gue. katanya ga boleh lah, jangan ngomong begitu lah, ini lah itu lah. gue ikutan ketawa aja. :))

apalagi yah?
hmm. gue ditawarin beli hp baru sama nyokap. cuma lagi pewe sama yang ini. bingung juga. mudah-mudahan besok bisa nyari deh.
adek gue keterima di STAN. selamat deh. ahahahaha. dia emang selalu lebih berhasil dari gue. :)
life's so cruel huh?
:p

10.27
belakangan ini gue suka gila nih. :))
ga jelas juga kenapa.
yah anyway, gue bersyukur dah bisa ngilangin perasaan ke orang yang 7 tahun gue taksir :))
ga kebayang 'kan naksir orang 7 tahun? nih gue. :p
jangan berharap bisa ngerasain, guys. ga enak. sumpah. kalo diterima sih silakan teruskan. :))
tapi kalo di ignore, saran gue begitu dia ngasih tanda-tanda ga suka sama lo, lupain! jangan paksain perasaan dia. karena ga bakal bisa berubah. :)

so, I have to go.
love you so much readers. thanks for reading. :)

****
nih gue update *berasalagipostdikaskus*
berhubung ybs bilang gue bohong (maaf ya, itu nda maksud boong), jadi gue luruskan lagi.
maksud gue gue ga nyoba nge-add lagi setelah dia message balik.
sebelumnya, message gue ga dibales. gue pikir dia ga online ato apalah. maka gue add. setelah message itu datang diikuti dengan diignorenya gue (ato kebalik, gue ga tau), maka berakhirlah juga.
:)
bingung mo nyebut nama ato ngga, at least, sukses juga buat lo. selamat yah udah selesai semua bebannya. ;)

Goddamn It! I Miss You!

di depok, gue punya temen cowok. namain aja A. :p awal kenalan lewat facebook. gue lupa gue duluan, apa dia duluan yang nge-add. yang jelas, suatu hari, dia ngajakin gue lari pagi di UI.
dasarnya gue kebo yang baru bisa tidur pagi, meskipun gue emang niat dan pengen juga (dah 2 tahun ga olahraga --"), tetep aja ujung-ujungnya batal karena 1 alasan cliche: ga bisa bangun. :((

ga lama abis itu, beberapa hari kayaknya, dia SMS gue, katanya penasaran pengen ketemu gue. mampus. dalam hati gue ragu-ragu nih. gue bilang aja, kalo mau silakan samperin ke kosan gue. lo belok aja di 1 gang setelah detos kalo lo lewat UI.
ga lama, dia nelpon, bilangnya udah di pertigaan gang. setelah gue tunjukkin rutenya, sampelah dia ke kosan gue dengan selamat.
anaknya secara fisik putih, tinggi, manis sih menurut gue. langsung minder dah pas pertama ketemu dia (padahal kaga ada niatan pacaran --").

ngobrol, ngobrol, ngobrol, anaknya asik banget. seneng becanda, open minded, ga ribet, pokoknya bener-bener orang yang nyenengin deh. gue aja sampe ga minder lagi. :D
pas dia pamit pulang, gue sama sekali ga ada keinginan buat ketemu dia lagi. bukannya ga suka ato gimana, cuma yahh.. orang yang udah ketemu gue, rata-rata menolak untuk ketemu gue lagi. :D

besoknya itu adalah hari ujian terakhir. temen-temen gue pada ngajakin jalan. awalnya gue dah ga mau berhubung ga ada duit dan lagi males kemana-mana juga. tapi akhirnya, dengan pemaksaan kehendak mereka, gue jabanin dah tuh ke semanggi bareng mereka berdua. :D
bingung di mana nyambungnya? tenang.. baca dulu. :p

gue bertiga nyampe semanggi dah siang. kita langsung naek, makan, dan muter-muter sampe waktu dah nunjukkin pukul 4 dan gue juga dah capek.
ga dapet patas, gue bertiga naek taksi dan turun di depan cinere mall. kenapa? nyari irit dan nyari cepet. lagian kalo di situ udah jelas juga arah angkutan umum kalo mau balik.

lagi macet-macetnya di angkot, gue kepikiran buat SMS si A. minta jemput. =)) dia bilang ga tau cinere di mana. :)) jadi ujung-ujungnya gue tetep naek angkot juga. :))
gue pikir dia emang pada dasarnya ga mau jemput. takut keberatan beban kali =))
tapi jangan salah, besoknya, si A nyamperin ke kosan. ngobrol lama sama gue. kalo ga salah sampe jam 11 malem dah. ngebahas soal dia ga bisa ngejemput dan guess what? dia ngajak gue jalan. rada kaget sih gue. soalnya jarang aja ada orang ngajak gue jalan. apalagi itu lelaki. =))

hari itu sabtu. jam 2 siang dia dah cabut dari tempat kerjanya dan jam 3, dia nyampe kosan. :)
karena emang lagi rame juga waktu itu, gue ga basa basi lagi ngajak mampir. tapi langsung berangkat dari situ.
tujuan gue sama dia? rahasia. yang jelas, pas pulangnya, kita nungguin ujan berhenti di kosan gue. dan itu ujan berhentinya jam 9 malem :))
seneng dah gue bisa ngabisin waktu sama si A. :">

gue udah mulai naksir si A. tapi gue ga mau bilang. padahal biasanya kalo udah suka, gue main tembak aja. :D
sama dia ga. gue pikir, mendingan dia gue anggap temen aja dulu deh. takutnya, kalo gue tembak, hubungan malah ngejauh. :D

gue sama dia ga sering ketemu, paling kalo dia lagi laper, gue suruh ke kosan, gue temenin makan ato gue ajakin makan.
dia kalo lagi ada masalah juga ke kosan, cerita sama gue sampe plong. :)
ngomong sama dia juga ga mellow mellow amat. kadang-kadang aku-kamu, kadang-kadang gue-lo. dia sering manggil gue ndut dan balesannya? gue manggil dia kunyuk. FYI, dia benci banget dipanggil itu :))

waktu berlalu..

gue sama dia jadi jarang ketemu, selain itu gue juga lagi deket sama beberapa orang. sempet jadian malah sama orang laen. dan semuanya, gue ceritain ke dia. istilahnya, ga ada kata RAHASIA antara gue sama dia. :)

gue sama dia seneng-seneng aja sampe ketemu hari minggu kemaren.
dia ngajak gue makan. karena dianya laper. ya gue mah hayu hayu aja. namanya orang laper masa dilarang. :p
abis makan, gue sama dia ke tempat biasa yang sering kita datengin. entah kenapa perasaan gue hari itu ga enak banget. karena pas masih di kosan, dia maksa banget pengen cepet-cepet. dan dia bilang sesuatu: 'ada yang mau aku SMS ke kamu. tapi aku mau kamu jawabnya jam 12 malem. ok?'
tanpa dia kasih tau pun, gue udah tau dia bakal nembak gue. ato paling ngga, bilang suka sama gue. cuma namanya lagi pengen dia ngomong waktu itu juga, ya gue pura-pura lemot. :p
sayangnya tak tik gue kurang ampuh. :(( dia maunya gue bales SMS dia jam 12 malem.

kebiasaan buruk dia emang ga pernah ilang. stress = banting hp. jadilah malem itu SMS yang gue tunggu-tunggu ga dateng dan ga pernah dateng.

besoknya, itu anak gue marahin abis-abisan via chat facebook. dan dia bilangnya jadinya lewat chat. :(
gue ga nerima. ga nolak juga. gue rasa sih, tanpa gue ngomong dia dah tau lah gimana perasaan gue ke dia.

~~~~~

saat kalian liat tanggal post ini dibuat, tanggal 4, gue dikejutkan dengan chat dari dia. mau tau bunyinya? "fish (ini juga salah satu panggilan dia ke gue), gue mau bilang makasih atas waktunya. sekarang gue mau pergi ninggalin depok."
gue panik. panik banget. gue tanya dia kemana, dia ga mau jawab. sampe gue komenin 3x di statusnya, gue message 2x, gue tag di status gue, tetep aja dia diem.
gue nangis malem itu. nangis sejadi-jadinya.

gue mikir, apa jadinya ga ada dia di hidup gue? dia tuh udah jadi sebagian dari gue. bukan karena gue naksir dia ato apa. tapi lebih karena gue sama dia kompak banget dalam segala hal. lebih karena kelucuan dia yang bisa ngelengkapin hari-hari gue. lebih karena keterbukaan masing-masing. dan menurut gue, ini lebih dari sekedar kedeketan orang pacaran.

~~~~~

sampe sekarang, pas gue nulis post ini, gue nangis. SMS gue masih pending, message masih ga dibales padahal dia update status.
kosong banget rasanya. mending ga ketemu dia tapi gue tau dia di mana. sekarang? gue ga tau apa-apa. nyokap bokapnya jauh, gue cuma tau rumahnya, tau tongkrongannya, tapi ga pernah tau temen-temennya.

pesan gue buat dia kalo dia baca post ini, tolong kasih tau gue lo mau ke mana.. gue ga bisa kalo ga ada lo..

~~~~~

05.58 am
gue sama dia punya banyak kenangan. tapi satu yang ga bakal gue lupa, dia pernah nanyain ke gue lagu akon yang lonely. dan sekarang, itu lagu bener-bener ngingetin gue ke dia.
boy, I miss you. gue ga perduli seberapa sering lo bikin gue marah, yang jelas gue ga bisa kalo ga ada lo.
gue sayang lo, nyuk.
:'(

malem malem di kosan

malem readers.

ga bisa tidur nih
padahal besok ada ujian Sistem Operasi
cuma kok rasanya males ajah tidur

hari ini, sahabat gue nginep di kosan.that's why, gue jadi males tidur.
entah kenapa ini makhluk membawa pengaruh buruk dalam peristirahatan gue. hehehe.
padahal dia sendiri udah tidur dengan nyenyak.

FYI, gue lagi diet.
dan dengan hadirnya ini orang, maka gagallah diet gue.
gimana ga gagal?
gue dicekokin bacang 2buat yang ngga tau bacang, itu tuh sejenis nasi bungkus dengan isi telur, jamur, dan kacang merah (kalo gue ga salah). dan dibentuk segitiga.
selanjutnya, gue dicekokin sama martabak telur.
fine, emang martabaknya belom abis.
tapi kan gue jadi pengen makan.. :'(
udah gitu, sempet belanja pisang 3 biji. dia makan 2 dan gue makan 1.
masih ada lagi nata de coco sama pudding yang sudah habis begitu menginjakkan kaki di kosan. :D
omg. I'm full.

haha. tapi ini orang baek banget dah udah mau beliin gue makanan..
mengingat uang gue tinggal 9 ribu. dalam bentuk 5 ribuan 1 dan seribuan 4.so, gue bersyukur aja dikasih makan. daripada ngomel-ngomel ga jelas cuma karena diet padahal saudara kita yang laen aja kekurangan makanan..

last, ini dia foto tersangkanya dengan baju merah..

haha.
last but not least, love you sahabat. :)